So the boxing at the Olympics is corrupted by Azerbaijan allegedly paying World Series Boxing, millions of pounds to be guaranteed two gold medals at the 2012 London games. Well, I can tell you now Azerbaijan you might as well send two twenty-five stone, fifty year old, heavy smoking, pacifists for all the chance you stand of winning anything in the boxing now. Because there’s nothing a corrupt boxing judge loves more than having their Argos catalogue examined to see what they’ve drawn rings around. And that’s exactly what’s going to happen to those judges.
I suppose us Nifties never really thought much about corruption. I mean you had to get a doctor, MP or priest to sign your passport application up until a few years ago, a policeman would do if you couldn’t grovel enough to the others. That’s who society said were above corruption. I’ve just been told that it’ll cost me fifty quid to get my GP to sign my passport renewal form. They don’t have to be corrupt, they can just do it legally these days. As for MP’s, corruption, just couldn’t happen and priests, ahhhhhhhhhh! And I mean Dixon of Dock Green would take a winter mixture from a youth he’d just given a ticking off kicking a tin can down the road. But now it seems that policemen take bribes to tip off reporters. I was told that there is a pub where you can buy any DVL information for fifty quid. Might be useful next time I park at terminal five. Fifty quid to answer this question, where’s my car?
Cricket’s another one that’s been splattered with corruption allegations. Someone bet that a bowler would bowl two no bowls in the tenth over, and he did. Now what are the chances of that happening randomly? About as likely as Azerbaijan winning a boxing medal at the Olympics next year, that’s how likely it is.
Horse racing, football, the World Cup, you name it, there’s corruption.
There was an article about a computer programme that had worked out that, without corruption, Africa would be the dominant continent, economically, in the world today. It would dwarf America and China with the biggest most progressive cities in the world. Scientific progress beyond belief and they’d be on Mars by now, but it didn’t happen because of corruption. And almost certainly never will because corruption is now the culture.
In our lifetime Nifties, our culture has become one in which getting something for nothing is regarded as a legitimate way of getting stuff. You couldn’t even trust a rioter to stick to honest rioting and not use the chance to nick stuff. What we need is for all those clever economists to invent a way for corruption to become a legitimate way of paying people and the economic crisis would be over forever.
We need Blakey from On The Buses, checking up on people, keeping them in line, making sure they’re doing their job. No, today he’d be sacked for infringing their human rights.