At last, Europe comes up trumps with free money for everyone.

by Jack Gardner
spanish flamenco doll in purple dress

It’s funny Nifties but my dad used to say years ago, you’ll go to jail if you nick twenty quid but not if you nick twenty-million. How true is that eh?



It’s funny Nifties but my dad used to say years ago, you’ll go to jail if you nick twenty quid but not if you nick twenty-million. How true is that eh? Except of course Bernard Madoff did but that was him begging to be put away rather than face his ‘investors’ leg snappers. We used to go to Spain and stay in a great hotel, buy boots, a flamenco dancer doll and a guitar and get change out of two, white five pound notes. The locals seemed well fed and cheery. It was only their teeth, of which they seemed to have six each pointing in different directions, but that seemed the fashion over there.

So the Greeks are singing;

We got away with it
We got away with it
We got away with it
and you did nt
and you did nt
So we got away with it
and you did nt
tough one cock

Even Nana Mouskouri has said we can keep the Elgin Marbles whilst waving wads of cash at the camera as she warbled…

You keep the marbles
we get the cash
you keep the marbles
we get the cash
Smash smash smash (Plates I presume)
Cash cash cash
Cash cash cash

Well, we can all sleep easy in our beds again. The specter of Europe sliding back into the middle ages has been averted. The prospect of Portugal invading Italy in the Sardine wars has been avoided. Personally I’d send the leg snappers over to Greece. I’m sure that under the right pressure they’d find a few Euros under their Bazooka, or whatever that annoying instrument is called which only plays that song from ‘Zorba the Greek.

But what a dilemma eh. Greece gets let off paying back half of what it owes the banks, which still has more zeros than attacked Pearl Harbour. So what are Portugal, Ireland and Italy thinking now? We’re all in the same club and they got away with it so why can’t we? The Irish went to blow up the Acropolis in protest but when they got there decided that someone else had already done it. ‘Looks like Semtex in a van outside to me Shamus.’

I am taking a stand on this and boycotting olive oil. It either comes from Italy, the country that let Amanda Knox out, or Greece who’ve just welched on their debts run up by not collecting taxes because the people didn’t like it, and paying train drivers 80,000 Euros a year. So they wont be getting my support. I’ve never understood the appeal of olive oil anyway. My mum used to put it in the dogs ears so when I discovered it to be a trendy cookery ingredient I gagged a couple of times before joining the converted. After all dog ear canker has a certain aroma and it’s not a salad dressing I recognise.
I’m using Mazola, a perfectly good corn oil. I mixed up two salad dressings, one using olive oil the other using Mazola, and guess what, no one could tell the difference. So join me in boycotting olive oil or…

The down side of democracy is this. Now would be the perfect time to join the EEC as a full member, but the public, prejudiced against Europe because of events, would never allow it to happen. Europe is going through their crisis and will never make a payday loan to Greece or anyone else again. In ten years time when European integration is complete we will still be an American aircraft carrier anchored just off the coast of France but by then Europe will have sailed away.

They need to get Swampy to burrow under the Acropolis and refuse to come up until they cough.

Mazola has not paid 50butnifty or Jack Gardner any money for this endorsement
yet

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